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Thread: A more daring press release

  1. #1

    Default A more daring press release

    I know the greatest hurdle to a press release being seen is to make it interesting to the people who receive it.... and those people receive potentially dozens per day.

    So I had this idea for a clever title and subject matter. However, trying to keep the article suspenseful and interesting enough is a challenge. Here is my first draft.... tell me what you think.


    Toddler Cup Explodes

    Aside from the occasional margarita-filled sippy cup, there are more widespread and real concerns being voiced, quite prominently, by pediatricians, therapists, nutritionists, dentists and a rapidly growing number of parents. The iconic sippy cup has not had an easy go of it through recent years due to concerns about their negative effect on a child’s speech and dental development as well as numerous other risks.

    Just when you thought things were at their worst in the battle to save toddlers from the ways of the seemingly omnipresent sippy cup, an explosion rocks concerned parents around the globe.

    That explosion was caused by an alternative to the sippy cup, the Reflo Smart Cup, which is now being distributed through government WIC agencies from Saipan to Jersey City in an effort to reduce sippy cup use and to mitigate the associated developmental risks. It’s the kind of explosion that goes “wow”, not “boom”. You see, this new and patent-pending product appears to be a regular open cup but has an insert that controls the flow rate of a child’s drink.

    In less than a year after their first sale, Reflo Smart Cups have made their way to homes in five continents. “The word is spreading at an unbelievable rate”, says Ohio inventor Pete Draganic. “Many of our customers are referred to us by health-care professionals who hear about it from one parent and they recommend it to others. WIC agencies have contacted us with ideas for sippy cup trade-in programs where they give a parent a Reflo Smart Cup in exchange for a sippy cup.”

    Reflo has done little advertising yet thousands of orders keep rolling in thanks to referrals and some great news coverage. These innovative cups have gradually been making their way onto retailer shelves but the vast majority are sold online at reflo.net

    While these cups are typically marketed as a training cup for toddlers, they are also a popular choice for elderly users and people with special needs.
    Pete - Reflo Ltd - A smart alternative to sippy cups
    www.reflo.net

  2. #2
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    Default

    Not working for me - most places wouldn't really call that a press release. It's waaaaay too much like an ad, and doesn't really have any real angle. I see what you are trying to do, and if you do get someone willing to put that out, you could get readership. But I think any distributor would balk at releasing that.

    One other nugget of constructive criticism - those are two rough opening sentences to get through (I only read them because you posted here - if it was a normal circumstance, I'd have stopped.) Just my .02.
    Dan Furman - Copywriter, Business Author, Entrepreneurial/Business Consultant
    Business Writing Services | Website Copywriting Services | Blog here

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