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Thread: Press Releases... your opinions?

  1. #1

    Default Press Releases... your opinions?

    I am pretty familiar with writing political press releases, and rather good at it. Now I am writing these for my product and it is not coming to me as naturally as I had hoped. Just a different subject matter and target audience I guess.

    Politically I would try to always keep my releases under one page in length. However I have received and seen countless releases from prominent figures that exceed that one-page limit.

    So here I am with two prepared press releases for my product. One is targeting local media and playing on the fact that I am a local city councilman. The other is more aggressive and is very brief, more for targeting publications that deal with children and child products. I should probably have something in between that appeals to general interest outside of the local area.

    Please look them over and see of either appeals to you.... feel free to critique and make suggestions. In the longer one, I hope that it is interesting enough to keep the recipient engaged. The shorter one is intended for larger (assumedly busier) entities and is modeled after some other new product releases I've seen.

    I have these hosted on my server so follow the links below to see them.

    Longer press release is here http://reflo.net/ads/longpr.pdf

    Shorter press release is here http://reflo.net/ads/shortpr.pdf
    Last edited by Reflo Ltd; 06-05-2011 at 10:59 PM.
    Pete - Reflo Ltd - A smart alternative to sippy cups
    www.reflo.net

  2. #2
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    I hope you don't mind brutal honesty :-)

    Your headline is weak and likely wouldn't last beyond the first glance. In all honesty, that's where I stopped reading the first time. I had to go back to read the rest because if the headline doesn't grab you don't have a press release. Because it's not going to get that first read through with the average journalist or editor or producer on the average day. But let's say it's a slow news day...

    And you get past the headline stage...

    You concentrate way too much on you without enough foundation on why we should care until much later on in the copy. It goes on for far too long before you get to the juicy parts.

    Press Releases have to be written in journalist style...put the juicy stuff up front where it's read the most who, what, when, where, and why...(especially the why as it relates to the end audience of whatever media outlet it is...tie it up for them upfront and tell them why their audience is interested...that's what will get them to reading the details...to picking up the phone and calling for an interview.

    You have a fantabulous product that is getting rave reviews from the people that matter most...use that as the lead in...or focus on the partnership...the family relationship that gave birth to three beautiful children and a life altering product for (potentially) millions of families.

  3. #3

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    I am perfectly fine with brutal honesty... and appreciate it when people don't try to spare my feelings because they aren't doing me any favors.

    did you dislike both releases?
    Pete - Reflo Ltd - A smart alternative to sippy cups
    www.reflo.net

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    I actually only read the long one. I didn't actually do a complete review of the long one, like I didn't go over it for SEO or anything...which is another thing you want to try and do with all your releases.

    And it's not that I disliked it, I just don't think it would get to first reading...and that's what you want a release to do...to stir interest...curiosity...

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    i lke the headlines, both of them...... they say a lot and are short and simple..... local councilman turns inventor seems pretty smart to me...i could see our paper using a headline and a story like that......... describing the whole thing is pretty hard and kind of dull....but you caught the main idea perfectly in the second headline...
    ann at greenoak www.greenoakantiques.com

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    I only had time to read the headlines this morning. But, the first one was awesome. Both the main headline and the line underneath it were perfect.
    Steve B

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    I only read the headlines and felt the long release headline was weak - who is going to care what a local councilman does except if it's rape or something scandalous! The sub-head was better but still didn't grab my attention (but I don't have children, so that may have played some part in that!)

    The short-release headline was more to the point but still not grabbing.

    How about something that invokes curiosity - SIPPY-CUP DO-OVER! --- BIG KID CUPS THAT WORK FOR BABY! --- NEW "NO-MESS" BABY CUPS ---- SAVE BABY'S TEETH WITH THE "SMART CUP"

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    spiders do sound pretty dang good!!!
    in a small town a local invention would warrant attention ...imho of course...
    ann at greenoak www.greenoakantiques.com

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    Quote Originally Posted by greenoak View Post
    in a small town a local invention would warrant attention ...imho of course...
    Only on a slow news day, in mine...

  10. #10

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    The reason I posted them here is that I too felt that the body of the long one was weak. It didn't grab me like the stuff I usually write. With political press releases it might be easier because I focus on one important topic whereas with this product I feel like I am trying to tell the whole story at once and that leaves me lacking. My long press release sounds more like I've written the article than put out a press release.

    The short one I think is more direct and striking, for those that are in the baby product business. For instance, there has been a lot of negative media on sippy cups over the past few years so the title, I thought, was catchy. Anyone in the know, knows that sippy cups are bad for kids.

    Back to the long one, I agree that someone, especially a busy someone plodding through numerous press releases per day, may not stay engaged. I will have to rework it for sure.
    Pete - Reflo Ltd - A smart alternative to sippy cups
    www.reflo.net

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