Headlines

[Blessed]

I have a direct mail postcard I'm doing a few slight revisions to for a client of mine whose business is fitness.

The design is very sparse, the copy is simply bullet points and the card has done really well for them. There are currently 3 versions - the only difference is the "headline" and the headline they use depends on the class they are pushing/demographic they are reaching for.

What do you think of these:
1) It's torture, but it works
2) More than just looking better in your underwear
3) Fitness as a lifestyle, not just an activity

And...
How do you come up with headlines? How vital is the headline to the copy?

[Patrysha]

I like the first two, but not the last one...but not crazy over the moon like...

Headlines are uber important. It's worth spending hours and hours over coming up with the perfect one.

[Spider]

I think headlines are extremely important - 90 percent of the time to create the total copy could be spent on the headline, in my view. That said, I have never found myself great at creating headlines and for that reason, possibly, I am not turned on by any of the suggestions.

[Blessed]

These are headlines they want to use - they provided the copy on this one from somewhere....
I'm not crazy about any of them, although the underwear one made me look twice the first time I saw it. The torture one is a tagline of sorts for the fitness program, the other one is a catch-phrase they use when talking about their fitness program.

This particular time they are "reaching out" to the Mommy market. They haven't decided for sure which card they are going with yet.

[Steve B]

I think they are all pretty bad. They need to hire someone to help them with that!

[Patrysha]

The best direct sales copy in fitness that I've found is the material from Eric Ruth.

[Blessed]

But Steve... they wrote it themselves so it's wonderful... right?
sigh.

[Steve B]

I don't operate on the princiiple that the customer is always right. It's a tough and delicate conversation, but if they're paying you for you expertise, then you at least owe them an honest opinion. I think those headlines are pretty lame and sound like a 3rd grader came up with them in about 2 minutes. The headline is extremely important and will impact the results - regardless of how good the rest of the work is. Of course, they can go forward with them if they want, but I'd at least point it out to them.

[greenoak]

i would be asking the target users their opinion....i know i probably need a fitness program....and the torture one sounds kind of right and fun...
when we do this kind of work on our presentations or ads we think the headline is the main thing...then the picture then the words...

[nicolebeckett]

Like some of the other folks have said, none of those headlines are knocking my socks off. IMO, the only one with any potential is #2. #3 was a tad confusing, and as for #1, well, I would never compare my product to torture

As you well know, your headline is incredibly important. You only have a few seconds to convince people to keep reading. A dynamite ad will go nowhere without the right headline.