customers leave me alone with their 3 year old kids

[huggytree]

isnt the statistics like 25% of kids are abused? i know its an amazing %...if that % is close to true then the odds are not close to remote...its real!

Yes i scare my kids about strangers....kids trust all adults...my scaring them doesnt seem to work anyways..they still seem to trust everyone..they think bad guys wear all black like Darth Vader....they think they can spot the bad guys.....kids are easy victims..i doing all i can to make sure its someone elses kids and not mine!

[Steve B]

I don't know what the statistics are - but I know they are very high and, yes, family and friends are by far the biggest culprits. We don't scare our kids like you do, but I understand what you are trying to accomplish.

[Patrysha]

Yes, lots of kids are abused...I was one of them. 1 in 3 girls, 1 in 6 boys...80% perpetuated by a family member or close family friend.

But there are ways to protect them without wrapping them in a bubble or having them distrust everybody. It is exactly because they figure bad guys must look like Darth Vader that they are vulnerable. There are ways to prevent and protect. That's why I suggested Gavin De Becker's book.

Do you want to know one reasons why fear is such a bad tactic? (Too bad, I'll tell you anyway...) because the potential is there that if they are ever in a situation that they got into by not listening to you they will feel guilty and ashamed for not listening to you and think that it is their fault and not get out of the bloody situation before it's too late because they will feel like they deserved it!

And again...it is not strangers you have to worry about for the most part. Pedophiles groom their victims for a long time...they target the vulnerable, the lonely, the sad.

Do you know one of the most effective ways of not having a child become a victim is teaching them the proper names for their body parts? A pedophile will often skip over kids who know the correct terminology because they know that if the child tells they will not be misunderstood when questioned the way that children who are taught words like wee-wee and fou-fou.

[huggytree]

Never leave your kids alone w/ anyone and the odds go to down dramatically....thats our strategy.

Wife doesnt want them to know ***** and ****** because she doesnt want them saying in the food store 'im itching my ****** mommy' or 'my ***** is looking big mommy'(my 5 year old used to talk about his big peepee).

I wanted them to use correct terms for them...she says no.

this post was about Homeowners and kids, not mine!....

Sorry to hear about your experiences Patrysha. Im just doing what i can to save my kids

[Patrysha]

Then get your wife to read the book!!

Better to be embarrassed in the supermarket because a child says something inappropriate in public than forever scarred by something that may have been prevented by knowing the right words.

Unless you are homeschooling and planning to be with them 24/7 till they are fully grown...grooming can be done in snippets of time over a long period of time and doesn't necessarily require full access to happen. There is more than just full on attacks that can affect a child.

I know this was about homeowners kids and not your own - but it was the tactic you are utilizing to protect your children (fear) that caught my attention. Some people (the homeowners) are idiots, and nothing I can say or do will change that, but if I can share tools that might help you protect your children more effectively and for life (especially in girls the risk of sexual assault remains high throughout life, it's not just a childhood issue) then at least I can sleep better at night, kwim?

I know I come on strong on this topic...I want to protect children too. I just know that fear is not a viable or effective tactic over the long term.

[Steve B]

My kids know and use all the correct words. We've never been embarassed. I just can't imagine being embarassed about something like that anyway - so I guess I'm not a good test case. We taught them the right words because I never understood the point about making up stupid "cute" names in the first place. It had nothing to do with protecting them, but I'm glad we accidentally did something right.

I also agree about not letting them alone with adults when at all possible. But, we have used babysitters so I guess we have taken some risk.

Thanks for sharing your information Patrysha - I never heard any substantive advice on this subject, I may get that book. We have a 6, 8, and 11 year old.

[orion_joel]

I think that you are more then right that kids should not be around you when you are working. It takes just a second where you may put down your drill or some other power tool when it still has power connected, turn your back the kid hits the power button and gets hurt. That takes seconds.

[Blessed]

Patrysha - thanks for sharing the info on that book. I too am a statistic, fortunately for me - the abuse only happened once and it was limited. My abuser was a babysitter and although I didn't know how to tell my Dad (I was 6 and he was a single parent at the time) what had happened we had a good enough relationship that he could tell that something had happened and I didn't end up alone with that individual ever again. I have no doubt that things would have gotten much worse if I had been left with that person again.

Also Huggy - I realize that this was about idiotic homeowners who don't keep their kids out of your way but I have to second what everyone else is saying - scaring your kids is not the best solution to the stranger danger (or any other danger) problem. They will grow up thinking that Mom and Dad are just paranoid and will end up in bad situations and not know how to get out of them. In my opinion and from what I've seen in dealing with children - forbidden fruit is always more tempting than anything else.

[Steve B]

I just ordered the book from Amazon. I got it for .01 cent - plus $3.99 for shipping. It took less than 5 minutes. It sounds like it will be helpful even for the older kids.

Thanks Patrysha.

[Patrysha]

If I recall correctly it is helpful for the older kids...with young ones we can control most of their world...

I actually agree with not leaving them with anybody else (for the most part) when they are young...but there comes a time when you can't control what they do or who they are with 24/7 and that's where laying the groundwork so that they know how to trust themselves comes in.

Glad you got the book :-) I got it from the library...which is where i get most of my reading material because I read too fast for reading to be affordable...