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Vivid Color Zack
01-22-2009, 01:02 PM
I thought I did this already... Don't see my post. Did I do something to get it deleted?

Anyway I'm looking for feedback primarily on the wording and text in the site. I have my own dislikes here and there but I figure before I revamp everything I'd like to see what dislikes you guys can find. I was just told by a client that they want to refer me to a few of their contacts but would hate for me to lose business because of a poorly written site.

Do any of you think it's bad enough to cost us business? I've had this up for a while now and I really didn't realize how poorly some of the pages were written.

I think we stress a few things that don't need stressing and we use terms like "a true knowledge mine" regarding our sample packs, which doesn't really flow well. Also I think we are comma happy. I wrote this with my business partner and between the two of us I think we may have decided commas were much cooler than periods or separate thoughts. I do like the casual lighthearted confidence that I think it portrays, and I'd like to keep that if we can.

We have graphic changes in the works in the near future which will follow the same simple layout and clean design but will likely be a little more impressive overall.

Just let me know what you guys think overall, i'm not asking for a full edit or anything but if something stands out as awkward or badly worded please point it out for me.

Thanks!

Home - vividcolor.com (http://www.VividColor.com)

vangogh
01-22-2009, 03:45 PM
I don't think you ever did anything to get a review post deleted. If someone one of us did delete one I apologize. Maybe there was a hiccup in the database when you posted.

My first impression on seeing the home page is it looks pretty good. Seems professional. Certainly nothing that would drive me away based on the look.

The copy can definitely use some work. I wouldn't start your home page with a welcome message. Those are essentially pointless and just keep people from what they want another moment or two. It doesn't really convey anything.

Looking at the start of your next paragraph


Get started by requesting one of our free sample packs. They're a true knowledge mine

The second sentence should be cut. It's not believable for you to tell me that you're sample pack is valuable. Tell me what's in it. Remind me it's free again, Explain why it will be useful to me, but telling me it's valuable isn't going to convince me.

I could continue with the following sentences, but in truth I'd have most if not all of the copy rewritten. I don't think it's a case that it's going to turn people away, but rather that it's not doing its job to convince people to contact you.

Visually I think the site is fine, but I would suggest having the copy rewritten.

Blessed
01-22-2009, 03:52 PM
I haven't gone beyond the first page but this paragraph seems really awkward to me.

"Get started by requesting one of our free sample packs. They're a true knowledge mine. One will be delivered to your doorstep in a white, rigid mailer that's impressive on its own, but look inside to see what really counts. With a 100% satisfaction guarantee, we have full confidence in our products and services. And don't let your imagination limit your printing. We can offer custom printing solutions and we can work with competitors' pricing to best fit your needs. Give us a call."

I don't like the 2nd and 3rd sentences and think you might be better off to just leave them out and reword the rest of your statement.

Actually - I agree with Steve, I think all of your copy could use some work.

I do like the simple and clean layout and design of the site. However I think the font for the body copy could be slightly larger.

Vivid Color Zack
01-22-2009, 04:17 PM
Pretty much telling me what I already knew but didn't want to admit. Thanks guys, I'll be sure to address this soon.

vangogh
01-22-2009, 08:32 PM
Glad to help with our honesty.

Jagella
01-22-2009, 11:23 PM
Do any of you think it's bad enough to cost us business? I've had this up for a while now and I really didn't realize how poorly some of the pages were written.

Also I think we are comma happy. I wrote this with my business partner and between the two of us I think we may have decided commas were much cooler than periods or separate thoughts. I do like the casual lighthearted confidence that I think it portrays, and I'd like to keep that if we can.

I don't believe your writing will cost you business, but there are some problems with it. Your writing isn't that bad although there are some commas you should omit on some sentences. On your About Us page, for instance, you have these two sentences:

To deliver the highest quality printed materials, consistently, and efficiently.

Rather, as soon as your project is packaged and ready to go, it gets loaded onto a plane, and flown into your region to be delivered from there. It's brilliant, really.

I'd rewrite them in the following way:

To deliver the highest quality printed materials consistently and efficiently.

Rather, as soon as your project is packaged and ready to go it gets loaded onto a plane and flown into your region to be delivered from there. It's brilliant, really.

I hope this helps.

Jagella

KristineS
01-23-2009, 12:43 PM
I'd have to second the copy rewrite. I get the tone you're going for, but I'm not sure you're getting there. Also, there are some awkward phrasings (white,rigid mailer comes to mind). I think sometimes you choose to emphasize things that really don't matter (again with the mailer).

What customers want to know is why they should do business with you over someone else. Free samples are pretty standard in the printing world, so that's not an incentive. I think your USP is simple, no-hassle printing. I've worked with a lot of printing companies, and I'd love to work with one that could make the process simple for me. If you really can do that, and are dedicated to doing that, make sure that's what you keep emphasizing.

cbscreative
01-23-2009, 05:44 PM
I'm a little late to the party, but I will generally agree with the prevailing theme here that a rewrite will help a lot. I would strongly second vangogh's advice to 86 the "welcome" message. I recently did a search for "welcome to our web site" just out of curiosity. Google returned over a million results and Yahoo put it over 11 million. When I removed the quotes, Yahoo reported over a BILLION results! I'd call that way over used.

Your last paragraph on the Home page is actually much closer to what you need. Like Kristine said, it emphasizes hassle free. I second the advice to find the Unique Selling Point and run with it.

This is quick and off the cuff, but taking the lead from the last paragraph, here's a rewrite to help illustrate:

You need printing for your business, not hassles. Your printed materials are important, but you don't want to spend a fortune getting them. Your time is valuable too, so why not order our free sample kit delivered to your door? Once you see and feel the quality, once you place an order and experience our uncompromising service, you will have found the kind of printing company you've been looking for.

That's still pretty rough, but you should get the idea.

Vivid Color Zack
01-24-2009, 01:39 PM
You guys are right. I'll address these issues asap. The emphasis on the rigid mailer is pretty ridiculous when I look back at it. Our idea was that when you receive something in a rigid mailer you're much less likely to throw it away than with a standard envelope. It also protects our samples. BUT like has been said, the customer really doesn't care about that.

Thanks for the quick re-write CBS I like the way that sounds. Maybe I can build on that and keep the tone we're looking for with everything but improve the writing throughout.

vangogh
01-24-2009, 02:04 PM
Steve I like your rewrite. It comes across friendly and honest and it would make me feel comfortable doing business with the site. At the very least I would trust enough to get the free sample delivered which is the first step in building the relationship.

Zak definitely start by thinking about what will differentiate you and how you want people to perceive your brand. You don't have to rewrite everything over night either. Once you know how you want people to view you start rewriting one page at a time. Also ask yourself what the purpose of each page is. What action do you want someone to take on each page of the site.

For example your home does a good job with the 4 images directing people further into the site by allowing them to quickly find what they want. That's usually the goal of any home page. Keep that in mind as you write the copy. The goal is the same, to direct people quickly and easily deeper into the site. Your about page would have a goal of telling people about you and your business. Goals might be to establish trust and begin building a relationship with potential customers.

Since your message is that you want to make the printing process easy without the jargon write the copy without any jargon. You'd going after a more personal feel so go ahead and give some biographical info about you in addition to the company. Let everyone who works with you do the same. Be a real person. Most of my about page is info about me as a person. Irrelevant as far as business goes, but very relevant in people getting to know who I am and building a trusted relationship.

Blessed
01-24-2009, 08:21 PM
...Be a real person. Most of my about page is info about me as a person. Irrelevant as far as business goes, but very relevant in people getting to know who I am and building a trusted relationship.

This sounds a lot like what I was just trying to say over on the logo redesign thread that Jagella started!

vangogh
01-24-2009, 10:47 PM
Oh yeah it was. Guess the same advice applies.

cbscreative
01-26-2009, 01:35 PM
Thanks for the compliments.


Also ask yourself what the purpose of each page is. What action do you want someone to take on each page of the site.

Bingo! This is very simple (content writing 101) advice, but it is amazing how often it is forgotten. Every page should have a set purpose and a desired course of action you want the person reading it to take.

vangogh
01-26-2009, 02:00 PM
Took me awhile to actually apply that advice even though I knew I should. Now when first making notes for a new page I list things like:

What's the goal of the page?
What action do I want visitors to take on the page?
What should the tone of the page be?
etc

I'll ask myself a variety of questions about the purpose of the page and how to go about achieving that purpose. It helps a lot in knowing what tone your copy should take and it can even tell you whether or not the page should even be on the site. If you can't think of what goal the page is serving, it probably doesn't need to be there.