Review Facebook landing page for opt in campaign

[Harold Mansfield]

For years I've been ignoring what others have been saying about "The money is in the list". I kept holding on to this notion that it was old school marketing and that I wasn't going to be one of those list building people. I was going to do it by merely getting blog followers and somehow turn them into customers. The "somehow" was a huge oversight.

I am now realizing that was short sighted and recent articles on the effectiveness of the list as being second only to SEO, have made me see a new light and that I need to stop trying to attract people who think like me, and start thinking like the people I want to attract.

So, I'd be interested in a quick review of the opt in page that I plan to use as a landing page. Any tips, help or suggestions ( especially the copy) would be appreciated.
Thanks
http://goo.gl/lFu1T

[KristineS]

It's not bad. I like the big headline which serves as a hook and the design of the page is nice. I think where it kind of falls apart is it doesn't tell me anything about who you are and where you're getting this information from. Yes, everyone is probably good at something, but I don't want random information from random people, I want information from those who know what they're doing. So where are your articles coming from? Who's writing them? Tell me more about why what you're proposing is better than the resources already out there. Granted running a business does give one a certain amount of insight, but that doesn't mean that it can be conveyed well or is necessarily all that useful.

[Harold Mansfield]

I think where it kind of falls apart is it doesn't tell me anything about who you are and where you're getting this information from. Yes, everyone is probably good at something, but I don't want random information from random people, I want information from those who know what they're doing. So where are your articles coming from? Who's writing them? Tell me more about why what you're proposing is better than the resources already out there. Granted running a business does give one a certain amount of insight, but that doesn't mean that it can be conveyed well or is necessarily all that useful.

I get that. I'm still editing the copy and I agree with you 100%. I just need to narrow in on how to say that in as few words as possible. Brevity is not my strong suit. But you have said the exact thing that I'm struggling with. That last paragraph is the supposed to bring it home and what is there doesn't do that at all. I'm pretty sure I'll get there with a few more edits.

Very helpful feedback. Thanks Kristine.

[vweconsulting]

How did building a list turn out for you? I'm a few years too late to the party. The link is no longer active.

[jeffscott]

This is an old thread but i would suggest that there is no need to include your url but rather discuss it in details will do for us to visualize the situation.