Newly rebuilt site--Need a critique, especially regarding conversions

[Lyrafire]

Hey everyone. I've been (mostly) away for a while, reading everything I could get my hands on and building my site anew. I'm not quite done yet, but before I continue, I'd like your opinions. I built the site not so much to look pretty as to sell. Still, it has to be attractive.

It's starting to pay off: I googled my keyword phrases today and discovered (with great joy) that Benewords.com (http://www.benewords.com) is on page one, position one for two out of four keyword phrases, and it's on page one, position two for a third. The fourth seems to be in oblivion, but I'm not complaining. In fact, I'm overjoyed! :D

Now, I have to act fast to addess my conversion issues. So here's my big question: what can I do to increase conversions?

One thing I plan to change (soon): I think I've offered too many price points. I'm going to cut them in half: Single or batches of 300-500 word article, 500-700 word articles, 700-900 word articles.

[boogle]

I have a few things to point out, not all of them are directly related to conversion. First, the site itself is really wide, it was distracting to me. Only your background outside of your main frame is scalable, so even on my wide laptop I still had left to right scroll bars.

The picture of the shopping carts was confusing too. Since it is the only picture my eyes were drawn to it initially and then I had to look around to figure out what you did, which once I found out I was confused as to why where were shopping carts on the home page. Once I finally scrolled down I realized the story underneath it.

In general there is a lot of text everywhere. For me it was overwhelming. What I was first drawn too after the shopping cart was the menu option "risk free purchase". I am probably like a lot of business owners who would love to have someone write their copy, but looking at my budget, that idea gets axed pretty quickly, I can write my own copy, I can not make my own electricity... When I saw Risk Free I thought, great, I would love to see what you could write for my business. If I really liked it, I would probably buy it. When I read the page I did not find what I was looking for though. I was hoping you would send me a sample for free, and if I like it I would pay for the service. I understand why you do not do that, but I would turn it into a positive. If you write the first 30% before I have the option to refund, sale it as if I only have to pay a third up front, and then if I do not like it I get a full refund instantly. (I tend to be reluctant of refund options that do not convince me my refund will be instant, (Similac owes me $15 for bad formula, I am guessing I will see that in about 6 months grr...).

Your website in general seems to be focused on spending a lot of time and words explaining why having someone write your copy is important. You know your market better than I do, but if I had to guess, I would say most your prospects do not need to be sold on why it's important, they need to be sold on getting a taste of it before they sink a lot of money into it. I would get rid of about 75% of the text and then make it really clear how it is risk free, what you cost, and in as concise of a way as possible, what you do.

Sorry to only focus on the negatives, I really liked your blog a lot, and what you have to say is really good, I am just not sure it is all needed.

[Lyrafire]

Boogle--thanks so much. That was really good.

I'll try posting the little shopping cart story above the image.

I've tried to stay away from the site for a few days so that I can see it with fresh eyes, and today when I brought it up, something I couldn't put my finger on was bothering me about the length of the text, especially at the top. I think I might try paring that down considerably. I can always save it in Word.

I'm listening especially carefully to your issue with the refund. I'm GLAD to hear that risk-free offer caught your eye. That tells me I'm on the right track, but as you say, the reader isn't finding what she hopes she will get. But having them pay only 1/3 down could get really complicated on the order page. Plus, I'd have to get them to hit the buy now button more than once. I have to figure out how to deal with that issue--quickly! I think it may be the critical conversion issue.

I already went in and added the word "immediately" to both the home page and the risk-free page. On the risk-free page, I also cut the phrase, "but cannot give you one after the article is complete." I was really reluctant to add that phrase in the first place, because I think it has the effect of a big loud thud. On the other hand, I don'twant the reader to be misled.

[Lyrafire]

OK--cut some text and moved the little story. Maybe cut some more?

Is anyone else having trouble with the width? I looked at in all 3 of the major browsers and on two different computers and didn't see a problem. But maybe I'm missing something?

[Business Attorney]

The site was too wide for my screen on my standard setting, though I could make it fit by turning the wheel on my mouse one click.

[Lyrafire]

OK, thanks Business Attorney. To me, that means I have to shrink it; not everyone will know to turn the mouse wheel. I'm using Thesis, and I have an option to choose: Page Framework or Full-width Framework. I had chosen Full-width Framework because it was recommended to me. Just now, I switched to the standard page framework, and all the color elements in the header and nav bar went kerflooey, so I put it back for the time being.

I forgot to say earlier, by the way, that my bounce rate is 33.33%

[Lyrafire]

Hmm, the percent symbol goes weird in this forum.

[boogle]

As far as the width goes, it is the picture in the right column that is pushing the website out of my range. I typically try to keep my websites at a maximum of 960px. Yours is around 1182px. A lot of people still have their monitors set to 1024, which means they will have to scroll left and right, which is typically not a good thing. To solve this I would get rid of the left column all together, and take the content from it and from the right column and solidify that to 3 or 4 "boxes" of 2 or 3 sentences that really pop. I would take all the content currently in the middle of your home page and solidify that to 2 or 3 paragraphs that really explains what you do. I like the testimonials (I am a big believer in covering your website with testimonials) but I would include the names of the people that said them and what business they work for. I would also get rid of the "questions?" section. I have never found those to be very useful, if someone wants to talk to you your email and phone should be easy to find. (If you have had a lot of success with that feature then leave it there of course). I would end your 2 or 3 paragraphs with something that says "working with us is risk free" and have that link to the risk free page. (You will obviously be able to word it better than me :)

On the risk free page I would get rid of the approved "we aim to please" image. Although an image will look nice on that page, it needs to really make an emotional statement, the clip art is a little dulling to the message. I would also get rid of some of the ambiguity in the language. Saying things like "we are pretty sure you will like it" and we "strive to avoid typos and grammatical errors" do not need to be there. I think that entire page can be simplified into a few paragraphs at most.

"People know you do your job well, the problem is getting them in the store to see how great of a job you do" That is what we do well. We know what to say to get people in your store. We also know that times are hard, and that is why we offer our risk free guarantee. Let us write a sample for your business. We will write and opening and an outline of the rest. If you like it, buy it. If you do not, you loose nothing. We care about small businesses and want to make sure that what you have to say is said best"

A paragraph that small with one powerful image of someone circling an ad on a newspaper in red out of many different ads, something that conveys what you do and I think that page will pop.

[Lyrafire]

Thanks a lot boogle! I'm working on it now. It's amazing what a fresh pair of experienced eyes can do.

[KristineS]

As a writer myself, I know the lure of words, lots of words, and I'm sure you're also looking at the website as a showcase for what you can do as a writer, so I get why it is the way it is. The problem is that I'm not sure it's working as a sales tool. The writing is generally good, but there's a lot of it, and it takes you a while to get to the point. Many business owners won't wade through all that, they want bullet points, not even so much why good writing matters, but what good writing can do for them and how much it will cost to purchase that writing. That's what they want to know.

I'm not saying what you already have written is bad, but I would create a "bedrock" page or something that just gave the basic facts, and then put a link on your other pages, so those who want to skip all the verbiage can get right to what they want to know.

I would also take a look at your testimonials. Right now they're very generic and I don't think they do anything for you. At the very least, you should include the name of the person who made the comment; I would recommend including the company name as well. Also, you have notes and testimonials in the exact same sort of yellow boxes, so it gets a bit confusing.

You need to look at some of your qualifiers too. One page says "But we're pretty confident you'll love our work" which isn't exactly a ringing endorsement of your work and you wrote it. You have to be confident that you can do the work before anyone else will have confidence in you.

You might also think about changing the Why My Business? menu headline. Really what that page talks about is what a business that uses your service gains. I'm not sure what the menu button should say, since everything I'm coming up with is too long, but I don't think "Why My Business" is it.

Overall, what I come away with the most is the sense that you're working too hard to convince me that articles are the way to go. It's almost a case of "the lady (or the website) doth protest too much" and I come away with the feeling that you're not sure I'm going to want what you can offer so you're tap dancing as fast as you can to convince me that I do want to use your services. You have to be confident in what you're offering and the benefits of it before your website visitors will be. I'm not sure exactly what is giving me that feeling, so I will try and take some time to look at the language and see if I can pinpoint from where it's coming.

[Lyrafire]

Thanks Kristine. My original site had a lot of text also (even more, actually), but the tone was educational. For the new site, I employed copywriting techniques, a very different animal; hence, the tone of trying to convince folks. I already eliminated a lot of verbiage and plan to work on it more today. Other than that, though, I have to strike a balance I think. Just putting the facts out there isn't enough. But a pure NLP copywriting approach isn't working either.

Totally agree about the "Why My Business" tab. I just haven't come up with anything better--yet.

[boogle]

I will add a few interesting statistics, you can take from them what you want. Harald Weinreich, A Dr. in computer science at a university in Germany provided data on a wide range of sites, over half a million. Jakob Nielsen (http://www.useit.com/jakob/), a very well know internet usability expert complied them to try and understand how users respond to varying lengths of copy.

http://www.useit.com/alertbox/percent-of-text-read.gif

This graph highlights the amount of words read based on the total words on a page. You have around 400 words on your home page and risk page, which puts you at about 35% of your words being read, or 140 words. Obviously this study does not take it to consideration layout and bullet points and bold text etc. But the point remains, the more words you have, the less your message is read. I feel like on those two pages you could cut your language in half if not more. It is a huge improvement from where it was though. I will also add there is a great book called "don't make me think" that is pretty short and really sums up website content well. You can knock the whole book out in an hour or two and I bet it would offer some great ideas. Keep working at it, we are happy to help.

[dynocat]

Here are a couple small changes I would suggest for the Order Articles page. Looking at the word length choices, the first price that caught my eye was the Buy Ten price, probably because it's left aligned.

I would align the single article price left as well, on next line just above the button so it's consistent with where the Buy Ten price is located.

Another, maybe better idea, is to put the prices after the Buy Now buttons.

I might even change the button to read "Order Now," rather than "Buy Now."

Best of luck to you, Lyrafire.

[Dan Furman]

I'll give you a few points from another copywriter:

You're preaching to the choir a lot - what I mean by that is you are spending an awful lot of time / space / words trying to convince people why they need articles... but didn't they already decide they needed articles before they even got to your site (I mean, how else did they get to your site unless they already decided they wanted articles?)

Second (and please take this with a grain of salt)... well, the writing on the site just doesn't flow for me - it doesn't really grab me and make me want to read more. Sorry, but it's just not a breezy read. That will hurt in converting. You should write more like you write in your blog - your blog style is MUCH better. Probably because you're just writing and not "trying" to do something with your words like you are on the article site. Trust me; good, converting web content is closer to "chatty-blog-style" than most people think :)

Third - These days, fair or not, testimonials without links are seen as somewhat shady. Not saying yours are not genuine, mind you, but can you actually link to some articles that you wrote/sold? That would help.

Last, I'm not sure what to make of your pricing. That's because as a writer, I can tell you an original, researched, well-written 500 word article is about two hours work. $35 for that? Really? Unless you are farming them out (and your copy somewhat implies that you aren't), I don't see how this is possible to sustain. I do not know if you are new to this or not, but if you are (and are doing these yourself), I guarantee your pricing will cause you a lot of frustration as you move forward (to give an example, I charge about $300 for the same thing. But I do admit I don't do a ton of SEO article work because most people don't care about the quality of these types of articles - they want them for SEO and nothing more. I write more to convert, or if I do write articles, it's more prolific blog posts for high-profile people that wind up on the Huffington Post, etc.)

Don't get me wrong on the above pricing comment - I mean it to be helpful from someone who's been in the business for a decade, not critical. If you are farming them out to India (etc) for $5 and doing a quick edit and sending them out, hey, more power to you. Or, if you write them all yourself and are happy with your pricing model, again, have at it :)

Oh, one more thing... I am not quite sure that "writing" is a good "buy now" item. It may not be - you might be better off measuring conversions in contacts rather than orders (I could be wrong here, though - maybe it will lend itself to "buy now" at your price point.)

Anyway, I hope this was at least a little helpful.

Best,

[Lyrafire]

Hi Dan--thanks for the valuable input. Yes indeed! I well know how long it takes to write a good 500-word article. Price-point has been a tough decision--competition, you know? I agree, if I start too low, it may be hard to get more later. I do have a plan in mind, though. And nope--just for the record--I've never yet outsourced an article to anyone. If I did, I would do so only because:

A.) the topic falls outside what I can reasonably do for the money without tremendous research time. For example, a set of sophisticated articles on the inner workings of a computer might fall within that realm. I know other good writers with specialized knowledge who are happy to have any work I can't do. In the case of technology, the writer I have in mind has published in well-regarded places such as TidBits and MacWorld. I also have an automotive expert with equally credible pubs waiting in the wings should I need him. Or,

B.) I had more work than I could handle. That hasn't yet happened. Hope it does. If so, Quality Counts. And,

C.) I would certainly tell the client if I were to outsource. I've never used a spinner, either, by the way.

The BeneNotes blog voice is akin to my teacherly-type speaking voice--somewhat chatty, approachable, edifying. (I taught for a long time.) Thanks for the nice words. The voice in "The Misfits" review (if you clicked on it) is more lyric, but still edifying. It's not nearly as lyric as my most refined writing voice, which is that of a lyric poet. Unfortunately, poetry doesn't pay! The voice I've had to use for a good many content articles is almost reporter-like. Just the facts, M'am. For the reader on an information mission. Not so much fun to write, but that's what some people want, so I do it.

Having said all that, I'm always rethinking my approach. I may give up the copywriting approach to the site copy, by the way. I've already been thinking about it. (I don't think I've tested it long enough, though.) If I do, I'll be taking your advice.