Am I an anti-social snob?

[Harold Mansfield]

I get requests from another webmaster forum all of the time to add people to my messenger contacts and I ignore them all of the time.
I'll answer them via PM if they ask a quick question or something, but the minute they want to chat via MSN or Google or whatever...I run for the hills.

The first reason is that I just don't like IM chatting, or texting for anything work or professional related. It's too much work.

The second is, I know that they want me to add them so that they can have access to ask me questions, ask for advice and show them how to do stuff 24/7 and I don't feel like it.

I love helping out on forums when I can, but that's at my leisure, when I have time to participate.

I don't want a bunch of WP noobs bugging me for little bits of information all day long...especially when they can find the answers for themselves via Google. Many of them just want someone to call on every time the slightest problem or idea pops into their head and I just don't have the patience.

That's not how I learned. Sure, I had help from many people on forums, but I searched out much of what I needed to know and only hit the forums when I couldn't find an answer on my own.

These new noobs aren't like that. They want it all now, don't do any leg work, and want someone to mentor them, but they don't have any money.
Is that selfish of me?

Does that make me an anti-social snob?

[Spider]

The good thing about life is, You get to choose how you deal with it. I get people all the time asking me to join their network on LinkedIn - but I refuse, politely explaining that I keep LinkedIn for people I know and with whom I have actually worked. More casual aquaintances are befriended on Facebook, but even there, I generally need to know them to some extend before connecting.

Like you, Harold, I happily communicate on forum but not on chat or IM (unless associated with a forum.) I have no Messenger address on any system, so it's e-mail or forum. As you say, you need to be able to control your time and not be subject to the whims of other people.

[greenoak]

i dont blame you...but they can ask anything...its up to you....
we get that in antiques a whole lot...which is kind of ok,,if i have an inkling that they might want to do business with me....but if not why would i bother?
many here appreciate your insight!!! but know its freely given at your leisure!!
ann

[Harold Mansfield]

Thanks Ann, but this ( this forum) is different. For one it's more mature and It's give and take. I get far more insight than I give around here and the atmosphere is just different. We actually talk about stuff here and bounce a few ideas around and get range of different insights and opinions.

The particular forum that I'm speaking of is more of a webmaster forum full of noobs looking for shortcuts and tricks. That's the frustrating part. They don't want to learn anything or even try to see if the information is already out there..they just want you to tell them how to do it.

And it's not that I think my time is so precious that everyone must pay me just to ask a question...that's not it at all. But there is a line between helping people and just being used and taken advantage of.
I think some of it may be a cultural thing because I notice it more with certain webmasters from certain areas of the world, than with anyone else. Many of their requests come of as demanding and completely unrealistic in the world that I live in, but it may be totally acceptable where they live. I just can't deal.

I think I may have just outgrown that particular forum.

[greenoak]

its sounds kind of boring too..i tried an antique forum thru a trade paper and it dissolved into just what you are talking about....people wanting info about their vase etc, not interesting to me at all..altho i would do it for lots of people at the store, when what i wanted was the give and take on the issues, to talk to other dealers out there in the marketplace like i was...
i hear you....this forum is different..thankfully...

[vangogh]

Of course you are :) Just kidding.

I do the same thing you do. Good luck everyone trying to find out any of my IM addresses. I can't get anything done when people are trying to talk to me over instant messenger. I have one friend who I chat with through most of the day, but she's the same as me. We both mostly work and occasionally say hi. We each let the other work.

Harold the next time someone wants to ask you those questions you can let them know your rates and ask them how much time they want to book.

[cbscreative]

I'm with you on that one. I don't use IM for the exact same reasons. I don't even like carrying a cell phone, it's like being on a tether when I finally get away. It's hard enough being in the middle of an important writing project to have the phone ring (I know why execs have secretaries), I sure don't need IM to disrupt the thought processes. I willingly help people through forums too, even PM and email, because like you said, you can control the work flow. IM is like asking for trouble.

I don't have clients complain or even ask for IM. I respond quickly enough to email that I keep people happy. If you're anti-social, then so am I.

[Business Attorney]

It sounds like all of us are pretty much on the same page. I post my office phone number on my website. I get a reasonable number of clients who first go to my website, and I need for them to be able to reach me easily. The downside is that I get about an equal number of calls from people who have read one of my articles and want me to explain some legal issue to them. Not to hire me, just to have me explain in more detail some subject that I have written on. I also get emails from people asking for answers to their legal questions.

I am always polite, and probably spend even more time than I should. At least with phone calls, I can ask my receptionist to hold my calls when I don't want to be distracted. With emails, I can answer at my leisure and, if appropriate, dispatch a canned response explaining that I cannot answer specific legal questions for non-clients. Given what I have seen with phone calls and emails, there is no way I would ever consider giving an IM address. In fact, after receiving a few messages from family members when it wasn't convenient to chat, I have my messenger services default to "off" and only turn them on when I feel like communicating via that channel.

[KristineS]

I don't give out IM addresses and am pretty stingy with my personal e-mail information as well. I get tired of people who won't do the leg work. After a while I don't feel like helping someone who couldn't take five minutes to Google a question and find the answer that's right there.

So, I suppose I'm a snob too, but I'm o.k. with that.

[billbenson]

It sounds like all of us are pretty much on the same page. I post my office phone number on my website. I get a reasonable number of clients who first go to my website, and I need for them to be able to reach me easily. The downside is that I get about an equal number of calls from people who have read one of my articles and want me to explain some legal issue to them. Not to hire me, just to have me explain in more detail some subject that I have written on. I also get emails from people asking for answers to their legal questions.

I am always polite, and probably spend even more time than I should. At least with phone calls, I can ask my receptionist to hold my calls when I don't want to be distracted. With emails, I can answer at my leisure and, if appropriate, dispatch a canned response explaining that I cannot answer specific legal questions for non-clients. Given what I have seen with phone calls and emails, there is no way I would ever consider giving an IM address. In fact, after receiving a few messages from family members when it wasn't convenient to chat, I have my messenger services default to "off" and only turn them on when I feel like communicating via that channel.

The issue, here is that you are a salesman. You are also the expert. Unless you have so much business without your website leads you want to take the calls because you are the one that closes leads. Harold is in the same situation. Probably most of us here are in that position.

Perhaps a natural progression is to take calls until the point where you are busy enough to migrate to email. Still take calls as you see fit, but screen them. Maybe a second phone line for for particular customers? Last step could be an answering service or clerk?

[vangogh]

David I get those same kind of calls, actually emails asking me for advice about what I would do to improve a website or search traffic or something similar. I used to spend time responding, thinking maybe the relationship would develop into a new client, but it never has. I've learned that it's just people looking for free information. I now offer a site analysis service and when people ask those questions I can direct them to the page on my site describing that service or just mention a price and ask if the person on the other end wants me to do the work.

I usually never hear back, which is what I expect, but I no longer have to put in the time giving away free advice and I can still be polite in response to the original email.

Now every so often I'll get an email that comes across different than the others and I might offer a little advice, though even then I keep it quick and generic.