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handprop
12-11-2009, 12:41 AM
I think I owe an apology to all you folks here. Bill made a comment about tearing people down to make myself better or something to that effect anyhow, and that really blew me away, I think mostly because I have never been told that before.

I have always taken great pride in the fact that I respect everybody and I have always been shown great respect back to me. After an unusual evening I looked back at the last few months of my life and realized I have really become a different person. Iím not a real emotional type person but after reading some of my posts here on the forum I think I owe all of you an explanation because I think he is right.

I have a great family, in fact I wouldnít change a thing, I have really been blessed. After experiencing a few ups and downs in business over the years I somehow got real lucky and married the greatest wife I could ever imagine. When we decided to have a child it worked out like something in a story book, and I guess I always assumed that it would go on like this forever. Then, about a year ago my wife was diagnosed with MS and to be honest I always figured things would somehow be ok in the end. At first I couldnít even tell she had it, but in the last few months it started to show and I began to notice the changes and the decline in my wifeís health. Iíve always considered myself pretty tough but the hardest thing for me was knowing my wife and I would someday have to explain to our daughter what was happening to her mom and it still haunts me.

Tonight my daughter had a Christmas play at her school and my wife just couldnít go. It was painful for her to come to grips with the fact that those days are over and for me I saw this coming but kind of thought I had more time. For our daughter she was just really confused and I think itís time to just tell her whatís going on.

It was hard for me tonight to go with all the families to see the kids and I had to go alone. I guess in a way this evening represented a milestone in the crisis we have and maybe I was in some type of denial or something. Anyhow, I had a really bad day.

As I look back in the last few months I think I have become a very different person. With all this stuff in the back of my mind I somehow ended up out of character and became bitter. Itís crazy really because Iím a real bubbly type person but now I think that side of me has really faded away. I have an anger in me, and I think itís because I have spent my whole life following the rules, helping people, and trying to be the best person I can, and **** like this happens to me. I had it perfect for a while and now itís all coming to an end and I just donít understand it.

I have seen people in life do really bad things, I see it on the news every day. It just seems like they always get away with it and I am pissed about it. Then a guy like me works hard my whole life to always try and do the right thing and follow all the rules to a T and I get **** on, and my daughter is really getting the brunt of it. All I every wanted was for her to have a great childhood and now that seems to be fading away also. Part of my frustration comes from the fact that looking forward Iím not sure I can be the person I need to when times get really bad and they need me to be on my best. I have never been confused about a dam thing my whole life, but now, for the first time, I just donít have a clue.

This evening as I thought things through I realized that I have been so stressed out over everything my hart has hardened and I have not treated people with the respect the deserve. I guess were all in this world together and to expect a perfect life is unrealistic.

I apologize from the bottom of my hart to any of you who I made rude and inappropriate comments to, I meant no harm and I am embarrassed to think I have caused anyone to be upset, itís completely out of character for me and I am sorry, I have no good excuse. It was my fault and I take full responsibility for it, I have no right to inflict my own problems on others when you are all here to learn and have good conversation.

Spider, I treated you unfairly and I hope you can forgive me.

Bill, I do own the airplane, in fact, I own several. But let me tell you, when looking at my life they donít mean anything. When I fly, my wife can no longer go with me and because of that flying for me has lost its appeal. I would happily give it all away if it meant having a wife with great health. Many times I drive by the airport and donít want to fly because I feel guilty and ashamed. All this stuff means nothing, nothing at all! I am sorry for how I treated you as well.

Iím gonna step away from the forum and a few other things in life for a while, I really need it. I need to collect my thoughts and get ready for another round of life.

I wish all of you the very best

Mike

Dan Furman
12-11-2009, 02:33 AM
Wow.... don't know what to say (for once).

I do wish you, your wife, and your daughter the best. I understand how you feel in the fact that you play by the rules, etc. I do, too, and I'd probably be pretty angry if something like that happened to me.

I probably don't have any useful advice except that feeling angry all the time just isn't fun. It's not healthy, and it's not productive. Just like we can't change the recession, you can't change this. Instead, acknowledge it, deal with it, and then go from there. Maybe channel that energy into something new. Maybe to make sense out of this is for you to help others in her shoes (etc).

I wish you the best, Mike.

vangogh
12-11-2009, 02:35 AM
Mike first of all I'm very sorry to hear about your wife. There are certain things you never want to hear happening to people and this is one of them.

I think I missed the thread that led to your apology, but I can tell I've never felt you were tearing anyone down to make yourself look better. Since you've been here I've thought you've been a great member with good advice and interesting debate and some good stories too.

If something did happen where you felt you got out of line I can only say it happens to all of us. Last time I checked none of us is perfect and we all do things out of character at times, especially when the stress of our daily lives reaches a certain level. While I don't know what was said or not said I have a hunch both Bill and Frederick can forgive.

Totally understandable if you need some time away from here and other things in life, though we hope to see you again soon. We can be good at offering support. Know we'll be thinking of you while you're away and wishing you, your wife, and your daughter all the best.

billbenson
12-11-2009, 02:48 AM
Ya, don't go away Mike. I thought you made some digs at people that were inappropriate, but you certainly had a lot of useful, helpful, and interesting things to say as well. I hope to see you back!

Bill

lav
12-11-2009, 03:49 AM
Seeya Mike..... but can you just tell us what happened to Duncan the dishwasher biplane guy before you leave...........

KristineS
12-11-2009, 09:40 AM
First of all, Mike, I'm so sorry to hear about your wife. It is always hard to deal with things when a loved one has a serious health crisis.

As far as your behavior on the forum, I hadn't noticed anything out of bounds. I guess that sort of opinion is all in the perception of whomever is viewing the post.

I guess as far as your attitude toward things right now goes, I have this to say. Life isn't fair. It's not fair that I've dealt with health issues due to heart problems my whole life. It's not fair that my Mom died of cancer at 56. Things happen, and there's no cosmic balance that says you're a good person so this stuff doesn't happen to you. The only thing you can do is make your peace with that reality and try to be as positive as you can. You can find joy, and even though your wife is ill and your whole family has to deal with that, you can make memories for your daughter that she'll treasure. Don't let bitterness over things you can't change spoil the happiness that can still exist.

That's my lecture for the day. I hope you do keep coming around. You have valuable insights and I enjoyed your stories. Plus, we're a good group and we would certainly be here to offer support.

greenoak
12-11-2009, 09:51 AM
k and vg...i hope you arent encouraging that kind of talk on here.....isnt it called flaming ?....
. i too hope mike stays and sorry about his wife.

Patrysha
12-11-2009, 10:40 AM
Wow Mike! That is a lot to deal with. Just goes to show how stuffing your feelings can come out in other areas. It's just not good to not have a healthy outlet to vent your frustrations, lost dreams...any major illness like that will trigger the grief process. If you get in touch with the local MS Society they will likely have some great resources for you to find support as an individual and as a family.

Do tell your daughter soon. Kids are smart, they know things are funky even if you aren't upfront with them. We adults think we're so smart and they can't see what is going on because we don't talk about issues in front of them...ha! They may not know the details but they can sense the strain. And that can actually be more stressful on them because being egocentric they can think it's about them or their fault and having wild imaginations they create situations in their minds that can be scarier than reality.

Our family went through an MS scare years ago when a doc sent my hubby for testing - did tons of reading while we were waiting for the cat-scan (couldn't do MRI because he's got metal in his body from a broken leg and a jaw operation) of course that was pre-kids and if it had gone the other way, I am not sure that we would've had them...

Take care, of yourself and your family.

And come back when you have the time...

KristineS
12-11-2009, 11:53 AM
k and vg...i hope you arent encouraging that kind of talk on here.....isnt it called flaming ?....
. i too hope mike stays and sorry about his wife.

Ann,

We would definitely not encourage anyone to be rude or "flame" anyone else. We want respectful, positive interaction here and we'll enforce that.

In this case, I didn't see anything that I felt was crossing the line, but I haven't seen all the posts. If someone has a problem with how something is presented, I certainly hope they would come to one of the moderators so we could deal with the issue.

Spider
12-11-2009, 01:28 PM
...Spider, I treated you unfairly and I hope you can forgive me....No problem, Mike. I hope things work out for you.

Sometimes, sharing your problems helps and while I'm sure many here would be willing, SBF is probably not the best place for that. May I suggest a forum called Successvibe. The folk there are more into this sort of thing and, I think, would welcome your approach.

Successvibe (http://www.successvibe.com)

See you when you get back.

vangogh
12-11-2009, 01:52 PM
k and vg...i hope you arent encouraging that kind of talk on here

Not at all. In this case it seems everything was confined to one thread, which I hadn't seen or been part of. Until this apology thread I wasn't aware what was happening. I did read the thread in question last night after this one and had I had I seen it previously I would have said something and probably closed the thread. I can't be everywhere though, even if it seems like I am sometimes.

I assume it's the same with Kristine.

My comments above were based on all the other posts I've seen Mike make. I may not always agree with everything he says, but outside the one thread I didn't see, there wasn't anything I thought out of line. In that one thread, yes there are things that crossed the line, but again I hadn't seen those things until after making my comments above.

And I do think the comments in that thread were out of character for him. While I don't condone some of those specific comments, it doesn't change my opinion of Mike in general. With the exception of the thread in question he's been a good member here with lots of good advice and interesting conversation.

Things happen. People make mistakes. We do things we later regret. And then we forgive.

KristineS
12-11-2009, 02:46 PM
I completely agree with Vangogh. I didn't see the thread in question and the comments that I had seen on other threads weren't anything that seemed out of bounds.

As Vangogh pointed out, things happen. I would say, as I said in my other comment, that anyone who sees something he or she thinks is out of bounds should let a moderator know so that one of us can deal with it. Even though it sometimes seems like Vangogh is always here, he isn't, and neither are myself or cbscreative. Just send us a PM and let us know there's a problem and we'll deal with it.

vangogh
12-11-2009, 03:04 PM
Or click the icon to report the post. It's the little triangle with the red border to the bottom left of each post.

lav
12-11-2009, 06:03 PM
In this case it seems everything was confined to one threadI still dont know which thread it is.

dynocat
12-12-2009, 11:37 AM
Mike, I only know you from a few of your many helpful posts I've read.


Just wanted to let you know my heart goes out to you. I wish your wife the very best, your daughter the love and memories she deserves and the very best to you. I hope you can be honest and supportive with your daughter and find support for yourself.

cbscreative
12-12-2009, 02:18 PM
Mike, I too am sorry to hear about all the things you are dealing with, and will say that I believe your posts and interaction here have been useful. I was glad to see your active participation and helpfulness since you joined.

If the thread in question is the one I am thinking of, and I'm pretty sure it is, I have been following that thread since the beginning though it did get very active and intense at times. Apparently I was the only admin following that thread, but since it had many long posts and sometimes lots of them in short periods of time, I can't claim I caught everything going on.

There were a few times I came close to intervening, but I didn't catch anything I felt was too far out of control, even though it was dangerously close at times. I even considered closing the thread, but that's a very drastic action I prefer not to take unless absolutely necessary.

The members of this forum generally behave very professionally and are able to disagree without personal attacks or getting hostile. It's very rare for things to get out of hand here, which makes this place unique. But I do second the advice of vangogh and Kristine. We can't be everywhere, so if other members here believe a discussion is getting out of hand, let one of us know or use the Report Post button (red triangle icon).

With that said, Mike you are always welcome here, and your apology clearly demonstrates that you are the quality of member we are blessed to have. I hope to see you back soon. But I also understand your need for a break. Thank you for taking the time to post an explanation and apology. That shows true character.