Girlfriend Going To College This Fall: What Should I Expect?

[Owen]

I figured I'd ask this here since this is literally the only forum I'm active on. I also have more posts on this forum than any other forum, and I know you guys will give me good advice. Anyways, my girlfriend of almost 4 months is going off to college this August. I know I still have 7 months, but I want to prepare myself now. I know 4 months doesn't seem like long, but I really really like this girl. She understands me and puts up with me for some reason and actually seems to like me back. We've become very emotionally attached to each other. She's my first love and my first real relationship, beforehand it was those bad relationships, the longest being a month, and the one before her cheated on me. So it was a little hard to trust this girl, but I can trust her more than any other girl now.

The issue is: college. She's a grade above me and a little over a year older than me, so when she goes to college I'll be a senior in high school and she'll be a freshmen in college. She's going to Husson University which is about 3 hours away from where I live. I have my license, however, she doesn't. She will have it by the time college comes around, however, she won't have a car thus freshmen can't have cars on campus. They're also required to live on campus for their first year. I plan to go to college at the University of Maine which is 20 minutes from Husson, the only issue is that'll be a year away.

I'm scared I'm going to lose her, the worse part being by the time it's been a month of her at college it'll be our 1 year anniversary. I'm terrified of being heart broken, I want it to last to badly and make it past college and have a life together. She's going to school for video production and when I go I'll be going for my bachelors in business administration and management and I may or may not minor in finance. She's going for 4 years and so am I, and I want to get an MBA after my bachelors. I just don't know what to do. Have any of you had a similar experience in your younger days? How did you make it work?

[Harold Mansfield]

I'm scared I'm going to lose her, the worse part being by the time it's been a month of her at college it'll be our 1 year anniversary. I'm terrified of being heart broken, I want it to last to badly and make it past college and have a life together. She's going to school for video production and when I go I'll be going for my bachelors in business administration and management and I may or may not minor in finance. She's going for 4 years and so am I, and I want to get an MBA after my bachelors. I just don't know what to do. Have any of you had a similar experience in your younger days? How did you make it work?

Since you asked publicly, I'm just going to put it to you straight. The odds of you keeping a long distance relationship with a girl in college while you're still in high school are pretty slim to none. Sure, you'll both say nothing will change, but it will. Why? Because college is a blast. New people. New experiences. On your own. No one looking over your shoulder. All those new experiences don't go with being in a relationship from day 1.

Senior year can also a blast. Last hurrah before going on to real life.

Make the best of the time you have left together, and maybe even give it a shot to see if it works. However if it were me I'd be realistic about it and expect that you both will want to experience other things and are definitely going to meet other people.

[Fulcrum]

As a generalization, I would agree with Harold. However, a friend of mine met his wife when they were both 17. They are the same age so the high school/college thing is different though both went to different colleges initially. They got married mid 2002 and are still together. I do believe that they are the exception and not the rule.

[Owen]

Since you asked publicly, I'm just going to put it to you straight. The odds of you keeping a long distance relationship with a girl in college while you're still in high school are pretty slim to none. Sure, you'll both say nothing will change, but it will. Why? Because college is a blast. New people. New experiences. On your own. No one looking over your shoulder. All those new experiences don't go with being in a relationship from day 1.

Senior year can also a blast. Last hurrah before going on to real life.

Make the best of the time you have left together, and maybe even give it a shot to see if it works. However if it were me I'd be realistic about it and expect that you both will want to experience other things and are definitely going to meet other people.

I just wish it could be different you know? There's so much about her that I won't find in another girl...and it just sucks you know? *sigh* I guess I'm gonna die alone with my billions of dollars :(

[Harold Mansfield]

I just wish it could be different you know? There's so much about her that I won't find in another girl...and it just sucks you know? *sigh*

We all know and we've all been there. But trust me, if you get out and do enough things, meet people, have some fun, explore life...you're going to meet a **** load of women. Some will be awesome. Some will be crazy. The point is, you're just getting started and your radius of exploration is small, and controlled. Just wait until it's unlimited.

You've only just begun my friend. At your age, the first is just that. The first. That's why they call them that and not "the last".

I'm rooting for you that things work out or at least run their natural course, but no matter what happens..keep your dignity and maturity.

[Owen]

We all know and we've all been there. But trust me, if you get out and do enough things, meet people, have some fun, explore life...you're going to meet a **** load of women. Some will be awesome. Some will be crazy. The point is, you're just getting started and your radius or exploration is small, and controlled. Just wait until it's unlimited.

But...but...what if I become rich and there's gold diggers? Then I wouldn't be able to trust anyone :( I want to find someone that has loved me when I was poor and will love me even when I'm rich https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b0/CryBaby.gif

(I dream very big if you haven't noticed hehe)

[Harold Mansfield]

But...but...what if I become rich and there's gold diggers? Then I wouldn't be able to trust anyone :( I want to find someone that has loved me when I was poor and will love me even when I'm rich https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b0/CryBaby.gif

(I dream very big if you haven't noticed hehe)

Cross that bridge when you get to it. There's no guarantee that anyone won't turn into a gold digger. Being in close relationship to money changes people. Friends. Relatives. Business partners. And yes girlfriends. There's no way to know ahead of time.

The good news is that other people have money too so date the kind of woman who doesn't need yours.

Think about it from the other side. What if no one changes and all still like you for you, and you turn into the jerk?

[Owen]

Cross that bridge when you get to it. There's no guarantee that anyone won't turn into a gold digger. Being in close relationship to money changes people. Friends. Relatives. Business partners. And yes girlfriends. There's no way to know ahead of time.

The good news is that other people have money too so date that kind of woman that doesn't need yours.

You're right. I hate college...I don't like heart break...I don't like worrying about stuff like this...usually I'm incredibly good with handling very large amounts of stress but this is really getting to me for some reason...

[Harold Mansfield]

You're going to love college when you get there. It's a new world.

[Owen]

You're going to love college when you get there. It's a new world.

I want to be an adult so badly...it's not like I have a childhood anyways, I don't do 'kid' things. I have to pay bills (car insurance payments, etc.), I have to work a job, maintain a love life, school, etc. I'm basically an adult without legal rights.

[Harold Mansfield]

I want to be an adult so badly...it's not like I have a childhood anyways, I don't do 'kid' things.
Every adult reading this is giggling because they know in about 20 years ( or less) you're going to long for the day when you were young, dumb, and stupid with the world in front of you.


I have to pay bills (car insurance payments, etc.), I have to work a job, maintain a love life, school, etc. I'm basically an adult without legal rights.
No you're not. You're a kid with a job who pays for a few of his own bills just like we all did at your age. The big bills and responsibilities are still being taken care of by your parents, your safety net.

Grown up bills are exponentially higher and you will have no backup.

Relax and enjoy this time. You keep trying to rush it and you're not only going to miss out on a lot of good stuff, and learning experiences, but you won't do adulthood well either. This time of growth is important to your future. Stop trying to ruin it.

[Fulcrum]

I want to be an adult so badly...it's not like I have a childhood anyways, I don't do 'kid' things. I have to pay bills (car insurance payments, etc.), I have to work a job, maintain a love life, school, etc. I'm basically an adult without legal rights.

Welcome to life young grasshopper.

[vangogh]

Owen none of us can tell you how the relationship will go come August. The odds aren't with it lasting, but none of us really knows. People usually change a lot when they go to college, because they're exposed to many more things and people than they were in high school. From what I've seen most high school relationships don't last beyond high school, but that doesn't mean the next one won't.

I think the best thing you can do is just enjoy the next nine months and don't spend too much time thinking about what will happen after. Take advantage of what you have now and don't worry about what you may or may not have later. If the worst case happens, it'll suck. Believe me, we've all been there. We've all been hurt by the end of a relationship. It's a normal part of life. The thing is you're going to change a lot over the next few years. It may not feel like it at first, but you're coming into a few years of big change. Just experience things as they happen and make the most of any opportunity that presents itself. Don't rush to get somewhere, because where you want to go now probably won't be the same place you want to tomorrow.

I can understanding wanting to be an adult as soon as possible. I promise you'll get there. Enjoy where you are now though, because you won't ever get this time back. All the adult things you want to do will still be waiting for you. Prepare for the future, but live in the moment. If you spend the next nine months worrying about what might happen next fall, you won't change what will happen next fall. You will waste the next nine months though. Make the most of what you have now.

Think of it like this. If things work out between you and your girlfriend then there's no problem and nothing to worry about. However if things don't work out wouldn't you want to be able to look back knowing you made the most of your time together instead of spending all your time together worrying about a future you can't really change?

[turboguy]

Owen, Once most of us get out in the real world we look back at our high school years and think that they should have been the best years of our life but for most of us they were not. Mostly because we worried about so many different things that in the scheme of life were really nothing. Whatever happens will turn out to be for the best and you will gain a lot of great memories from dating different women if this doesn't work out.

Just think about the positive side of things Owen. Not being tied up with a significant other will give you more time to make your millions. Once you have made your millions you will find the women that chase after you will be far prettier and better built than if you were poor. Then you can just enjoy life and when you do find the one that loves you for who you are and not what you have in the bank you can go for it.