Having a large company and being married?

[Owen]

I'm just curious on how this works: people who are incredibly rich are married, but how do they protect their assets and make sure their wife can't take a lot of money? I read prenups destroy marriages, so how do they do it?

[Brian Altenhofel]

Prenups.

And prenups properly done don't destroy marriages. If a prenup "destroys" a marriage, there were other much bigger problems.

[Freelancier]

If you are starting out poor and become rich with the spouse you're married to, you likely didn't have a prenup and the spouse can get half (in most places).

If you're starting out wealthy, you had attorneys protecting you by making sure a prenuptial agreement was in place before you tied the knot. The prenup just puts a ceiling on the price of the marriage, it doesn't destroy anything. People destroy relationships over a lot of things, but a prenup is just an agreement about the gains available from the marriage. At some point, one of the spouses may compute the cost of staying vs. the cost of leaving and decide the leaving is better, but that's likely because of something else within the relationship.

[Harold Mansfield]

Yep, that's pretty much it. They have lawyers. I agree that if you started together and got wealthy together you'd be kind of a knob to try and cut her out. Whether or not there are children would also be a consideration. But I also agree with Eddie Murphy, If she met you and you're making $25 million a year and she has a job at a boutique making min wage plus commission, why should she get half?

[billbenson]

I agree with what has been said above. Particularly if you became wealthy after getting married. That probably took long hours, mental distraction, probably not paying as much attention to the wife or spouse as a healthy couple should. Spouse may very well have been doing things to make you wealthy you don't even think of like taking care of the home obligations. Of course less financially fortunate families may be working just as hard, they just didn't have the luck, skills, drive, etc. to make a bunch of money.

Now marrying into money is a completely different thing as mentioned above.

[nealrm]

How about this: Know the person that you are marrying outside of the bedroom, put as much time into the marriage as you put into the business, be faithful to your spouse, be faithful to your children and remember that laying next to a pile of money isn't nearly as nice as laying next to the women you love. Do that and you won't have to worry about her "taking" a lot of money.

[billbenson]

How about this: Know the person that you are marrying outside of the bedroom, put as much time into the marriage as you put into the business, be faithful to your spouse, be faithful to your children and remember that laying next to a pile of money isn't nearly as nice as laying next to the women you love. Do that and you won't have to worry about her "taking" a lot of money.

I like what you said Neal. But it's not always that simple. I had dinner with a friend tonight. He is German and worked and met his wife in Africa. Beautiful woman, but not a blue eyed blond. I've been married for years to a girl I met while working in Central America. Not a blue eyed blond either. And both of us have found it difficult because of cultural and prejudicial issues, but we have had long standing good marriages. Work eventually brought my friend and his wife from Africa to the US. We have both had some rough times, but been married a long time.

I think back to the only other girl who I thought was marriage material in my dating history. She didn't tell me at the time, but she hated Florida and had a strong desire to move back to the Midwest in farm country. I would have hated that. I firmly believe that that desire would have broken us up over time. And she was a wonderful girl We had a great time while dating. And we were both in our mid 30's so we weren't just kids.

As I was talking with my German friend, we both noted that how easy and socially acceptable it is in the US to divorce, rather than fight through problems. I think that is true. Society here has made it so acceptable to get a divorce that you may want to think about a prenup.

JMO, but both sad and true.

[Patrysha]

It may because I'm a woman and going through a divorce and an entrepreneur (though far from a rich one at this point) but this question struck me as odd.

The phrasing "Make sure the wife can't take a lot of money" makes my skin crawl...as if she doesn't deserve anything if she were to leave him and ought to be penniless if she doesn't stick with him. But I could be taking it wrong.

Personally, I think every couple, even the not so rich, should have a pre-nup if they are taking any assets into the relationship (we were kids with nothing the first time around so it wasn't an issue) but that which is accumulated during the relationship should be split evenly. My last marriage ended with a lot of debt and no assets, so again, not an issue.

[Brian Altenhofel]

The phrasing "Make sure the wife can't take a lot of money" makes my skin crawl...as if she doesn't deserve anything if she were to leave him and ought to be penniless if she doesn't stick with him. But I could be taking it wrong.

It probably wasn't a good choice of phrasing on the OP's part, but I'm sure it is influenced by the bias in American courts when it comes to domestic issues. We see it a lot - couples file for divorce with same income scenarios, but different alimony and child support results depending on who gets custody. There are some people that work that system (and many were trained by their parent to work that system).

[Patrysha]

That may be the public perception, but certainly not my reality. But there's not much in life I do "normal" - as a non-custodial parent paying 25% of my income to a man who makes double what I do. It runs in the family though...neither my mom or grandma did well in their divorce settlements either.

[Owen]

The phrasing "Make sure the wife can't take a lot of money" makes my skin crawl...as if she doesn't deserve anything if she were to leave him and ought to be penniless if she doesn't stick with him. But I could be taking it wrong.

What I meant by that is in the world of business, this is covered by the media, you always seem to hear about the husband making billions of dollars, the wife divorcing, and her getting billions in the divorce. That and "gold diggers" who marry someone just for their money. Nothing against women, but that's just how society is :)

[turboguy]

Before I say anything else I will say that most divorces are fair and split the assets 50-50. That is half to the wife and half to the lawyer.

Divorce laws seem to fall into two types depending on where you live. Here the wife is entitled to 1/2 of any net worth that is accumulated during the marriage. If someone is worth a million when they marry and she is such a spendthrift that she spends all he makes and his net worth stays the same she should get nothing. I have no problem with my wife getting half the gain during our marriage. With her putting up with me she deserves every penny. Of course when the divorce actually happens it is whoever wants out the worst that loses. I have been married twice and divorced once. When my first wife and I divorced she got basically everything. I was sleeping on an air mattress and using a card table for a table. Basically she got the house, paid for car, camper, everything and I got the payments for anything unpaid.

Then there are states like California where they are community property states and the day she gets married to you she owns half of everything you do. Then you definitely should have a prenup. The best bet might just be to stay single.

[Brian Altenhofel]

The best bet might just be to stay single.

If you go that route, avoid cohabitation, exclusivity, and joint bank accounts if in a common law marriage state. I know of a few people who have been burned by marriages they didn't know they had.

[Freelancier]

The best bet might just be to stay single.This has not been my experience :)

[turboguy]

This has not been my experience :)

Ah, so I take it you are married and your wife reads the forum. It's always good to keep out of trouble. ;)

I have to agree, being married is great. It is nice to have home cooked meals and ironed clothes. Doesn't bother me much that I have to cook them and iron them either. Of course being single has its pluses as well. It was nice to get sex once in a while.

[Freelancier]

Ah, so I take it you are married and your wife reads the forum.Mrs. Freelancier is definitely not out here lurking or otherwise. I'm on wife #2 now and we're coming up on 11 years and barely notice the time going by, we're too busy and having too much fun being together. First time around, it was a painful experience that never seemed to end... this time I picked better and work on getting better outcomes.

Your mileage may vary. :)

[turboguy]

Glad to hear it Freelancer. Marriage is much like business. We learn from our mistakes and try not to make them again. I am in much the same boat as you. Marriage number 2 is coming up on 8 years and I am happy. I was miserable for 18 years in number 1 but chose much more wisely this time.

[Owen]

Mrs. Freelancier is definitely not out here lurking or otherwise. I'm on wife #2 now and we're coming up on 11 years and barely notice the time going by, we're too busy and having too much fun being together. First time around, it was a painful experience that never seemed to end... this time I picked better and work on getting better outcomes.

Your mileage may vary. :)

"Mrs. Freelancier" that is great that made me chuckle.

I'm just scared, like what if I somehow start some sort of business and for God knows how it somehow became pretty big. Or if i get a good job or I decide to invest in the stock market and I get a big pay out. I don't want to eventually get divorced. I'm bad with relationships now so it scares me...