New page on web site

[cbscreative]

As anyone with a site knows, they are always a work in progress. Over the last few months or so, I have rewritten a number of pages on my site as I've had opportunity.

One of those changes was kind of a test, and it seems to work so far. The About Us page is standard issue, so a while back I decided to be different, changed it to About U, and reworte it to see how visitors respond. I even got a feedback complimenting me on the approach, and admitting that I "got him" at first.

Anyway, I realize that people do still want to know more about the company, so I created a new page About Us. Imagine that, the new page is About Us.

You may wish to start on the About U (www.cbscreative.com/about.htm) page to get the effect because the About Us page is significantly longer. I think since the intent is for those who are want to know, it's OK to include more info, but I welcome your thoughts on it. I don't expect every visitor to read it, but I hope it is helpful to those who do.

Thank you for your feedback.

[thx4yrtym]

Steve,

"You can focus on your business while we provide the objective viewpoint and help you need to be more successful."

in second paragraph from bottom , reads weird I think.

Regards,

[vangogh]

Steve, it looks good. I like the idea of the About U page, though I wonder if it will be better to name it About You to avoid any confusion. Probably not a big deal.

I think it's a great idea to focus on the client and then have the about page that focuses on you. You'll need to update the page as the economy changes, but nothing wrong with that.

I think it's ok to include as much as you want on an About page. People do read them and why not share as much as you want. It puts faces on our businesses.

[cbscreative]

Thanks, Gregg. If you find this awkward, others will too. I'll see what I can do to clean it up.

Vangogh, for now, I will keep the "U" to create curiosity (it's my intended effect), but I appreciate the feedback. I'll have no problem updating it as the economy rebounds, but that could be a while anyway. The main point in bringing it up is our reaction is more important than the economy itself.

[cbscreative]

Gregg, I think the last part was the most confusing, but I restructured the whole statement:


You can focus on your business instead of your marketing. We simply provide the objective viewpoint, and the help, so you can be more successful.

Thanks again for pointing it out.

[KristineS]

It's a nice concept and I like it. I got the About U part right away, but I can see where people might not.

[thx4yrtym]

Steve,

Perfect!

best of luck with it.

[Just H]

Cool idea. I saw the link on the left and saw the "u" lower case (Home page) and then upper in the horizontal links so I would definitely think it was a typo if I first saw it. You kind of lost me by the 4th paragraph for sure (pep talk and history lesson). I don't feel that adds a whole lot and if I was coming in just as a general user to your site, I'm not sure I would've stayed on the page that long.

What would pull me in is more powerful, short statements or bullet points that let me know you really know what I'm about and what the struggles for a small business.

Overall, I think it's a great idea and you write very well. I'd suggest keeping it a little shorter with stronger statements, maybe like:

YOU - considering not renewing the Yellow pages ad because of the high cost. Your sales are down even with the ad and you get a fair amount of biz from that listing. But you are weighing the decision of canceling.

YOU - wondering how you save money and still market in a way that can be effective in this economy.

[Blessed]

I like it... but I agree with Just H - bullet points would be easier to read and would make sure that I got everything important! However... if someone comes to this page, they probably will either spend less than 5 seconds skimming it or will read it - whether it's done with bullet points or with paragraphs.

[cbscreative]

Great, honest feedback. Thank you both. I'll post again when I can get some changes made because I do strive to make the copy "skimming" friendly so the reader can get a good idea of what to expect in a few seconds, then hopefully get pulled in to read more.

[SteveC]

Steve...

The content is fantastic and it sure demonstrates your copywriting skills to the max... well done... and hopefully it leads to lots and lots more work.

[cbscreative]

Thanks, Steve!

I'm open to votes now on which is better. The live About U page (www.cbscreative.com/about.htm) now has a bulleted list. For reference, here is the previous copy:


Right now, you are facing the reality of an economic downturn. No, wait, they have officially promoted it to the dreaded "R" word—it's a recession. In reality though, every challenge also presents opportunities. These are the kinds of times where you need creative solutions the most. When you work with us, that is what you get.

If you were to do your own research, you would find that there are a few constants in the universe. Human behavior changes very little, even over thousands of years. If you put a large group of people in any given situation, you can actually predict the outcome. There is very little guesswork involved because you can know how the majority will react.

Fortunately, you don't have to do the research because we already understand how to market using proven methods. Creative Business Services has been doing this for 7 years and the owner has over 20 years of business experience. You can focus on your business instead of your marketing. We simply provide the objective viewpoint, and the help, so you can be more successful.

So while most of the world...

I did remove the part about "pep talk and history lesson" so no matter which version you like better, that part goes.

[Just H]

Looks great - I vote for the page with bullets.

[vangogh]

I like the bullets too. They help break up the text on the page and make it more inviting to read.