Is This Smart Copywriting?

[vangogh]

Seth Godin has a post this week, The Power of Smart Copywriting, in which he rewrites the copy on a sign for a coffee shop. Personally I think the copy he ends up with will be more effective than the copy the sign started out with.

What do you think?

Is the end copy better than the beginning copy? Will the new copy work? Have any better suggestions for the coffee shop?

[KristineS]

I agree the beginning copy isn't good. I'm also with Seth in that I hate unnecessary capitalization. It's annoying.

I think his idea could work. I'm not sure that "better than Starbucks" is necessarily the way I would go as I know some coffee experts who don't consider Starbucks to be all that good. It would probably work for the average man on the street though.

[Business Attorney]

I agree that the original copy has problems, but I think that once Godin got to "The best coffee you've ever tasted" his copy starting going downhill. I happen to think there are a LOT of coffees better than Starbucks. I think McDonald's and Dunkin Donuts both have better coffee. It's all a matter of taste, but someone comparing themselves to Starbucks makes me think of Starbucks coffee, which I don't care for. That creates a negative association in my mind and would make it much less likely for me to even try the coffee.

[vangogh]

The comparison to Starbucks might not have been the best idea, though it might be perfect for those people who go to Starbucks, but don't particularly love the coffee. I like Dunkin Donuts coffee better myself. In fact I've never had a good cup of coffee at Starbucks. But you have to consider the market this coffee shop is going after. They aren't going to take people away from their favorite local coffee shop or the chain they think has the best coffee, but I'd guess there are many people who go to Starbucks just for the name and could be persuaded to try something better.

[Dan Furman]

I'm not in love with the final one. It's (perhaps) better than the start, but not much. And like David mentioned, it could be negative, depending on how you feel about SB's.

I think he overthought this one. I agree that it could have ended with "The best coffee you've ever tasted". He got into a "well, the only coffee that matters is coffee I've tasted, so..." but I don't see why that's a negative.

My guess is "The best coffee you've ever tasted" is way too simplistic to include on his blog as an example of smart copywriting. I mean, someone in the kitchen could have easily come up w/ that one, right? Certainly he can come up with better than that...

To me, that's sometimes the problem - "creative" or "witty" does not necessarly mean "better".

[vangogh]

True. I'm not sure he was trying to write the best ad copy he could, but rather to make a few points along the way as he rewrote the original.

Actually a great example of the difference a simple rewrite in copy can be is in this short video. Shows you how important words can be. It's about 5 minutes long and was a short film at Cannes I think. Definitely worth watching if you haven't seen it before.

[the goat]

That is a great video vangogh.

As for Seth's copy, I don't like his end result at all. I have to agree with David, I don't like Starbucks, so it is of no consequence to me if it is better. In fact "nothing like Starbucks" would work better for me.

I wouldn't want to pigeonhole the target market to only those who like Starbucks nor would I choose to validate my competition by using them as some sort of benchmark.

[vangogh]

The video is great isn't it. My dad found it somehow and sent me a link.

I think it's ok to target Starbucks customer base. You're not going to appeal to everyone anyway so this targets one specific set of people. It also happens to be a rather large group of people. I'm with all of you about not liking the coffee at Starbucks. But in a way doesn't the copy play into how we feel. We don't like Starbucks and here's an ad telling us their coffee tastes better than the one we don't like. If you were looking for a cup of coffee and happened past this shop and saw the sign wouldn't you think to go in? Their kind of empathizing about the taste of Starbucks not being all that good so aren't they basically saying we know you don't like Starbucks. Neither do we. We'll give you a cup of coffee you'll like.

[Business Attorney]

I think it is fine to target the customers of Starbucks or some specific competitor IF that is clearly your marketing strategy. However, there is nothing in the original copy that indicates that Peet's strategy was to target only Starbucks customers. Seth's rewrite, on the other hand, would seem to appeal only to Starbucks customers.

[KristineS]

I think the assumption is that Starbucks is where practically everyone goes and that it is a brand name that everyone will recognize. In that sense it does tap a bit of a universal language. I don't drink coffee and I know when someone says Starbucks they are referring to coffee. I'm guessing the end copy was meant to work more off a shared cultural touchstone than it was to appeal only to Starbuck's customers.

It is interesting when you consider that the end copy makes several assumptions about what the shop's customers might think. That can be dangerous, as we've already proven in this case. If you don't like Starbuck's coffee, or think it's all that great, a claim that another shop sells coffee that is better than Starbucks really won't motivate you all that much.