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Thread: Please review a post I made on my blog

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    Post Please review a post I made on my blog

    Hello everyone! I am looking for some opinions and criticism for a post I posted on my blog. I wrote this recently for my English class and decided to post it on my Medium.com account. It is a political topic on kneeling during the national anthem, corporate censorship, and freedom of speech, so sorry if the topic is too political. If you're easily triggered by politics, please don't read. Here's the link:

    https://medium.com/@owenbick/the-bus...h-fa0155f075a8

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    I'm not sure where to start Owen. I've got a lot of respect for you but I think you've taken too much of the Kool-Aid being offered within the media.

    With that said, I thought it was reasonably well written though heavily biased.

    In other words, you can say whatever you want about the government (as long as it can’t cause physical harm) and the government can’t do anything about it.
    This is a half truth that is being spouted off as fact. You need to also ask yourself the question "At what time does what I'm saying cross the line into sedition (undermining the office) rather than giving an opinion about the person?" Never forget that leaders, both good and bad, have been placed where they are for a reason.
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    Owen I think you did a good job. You asked a question and then worked toward answering. Obviously this is a charged issue and some will agree and some will disagree, but I thought you made a good case for what you were trying to say. Your writing is good as always too.

    One way you might add to the article is to talk about Colin Kaepernick's current situation. He's arguably more talented than some of backup quarterback's in the league, yet he doesn't have a job. One view is that the owners have colluded against and are keeping him out of the league. Another view is that no individual owner wants to deal with the media firestorm that would come along with having him on the team. While Kaepernick is probably better than many backup quarterbacks, his last few years in San Francisco suggest he isn't better than most starting quarterbacks in the league.

    His current situation fits well with your article and might be worth considering. Also, Kaepernick didn't start his protest by kneeling. He began by sitting unnoticed on the bench during the anthem. He talked to a veteran who suggested he kneel, because kneeling is often a sign of respect and could be a way to make his statement without being seen as being disrespectful. Clearly things haven't worked out that way, but that was the original intent.

    Overall I think you did a good job with the post. It's an opinion piece with cited sources. I think you set to make a case for something and I think you did a good job making the case. Since it's an opinion, some will agree and some won't and given the specifics the agreement/disagreement might be very charged, which is something you should be prepared for.

    I won't tell this is the greatest piece I've ever read, but I do think you did well in writing it and you definitely have the talent to pursue writing/journalism as a career.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fulcrum View Post
    I'm not sure where to start Owen. I've got a lot of respect for you but I think you've taken too much of the Kool-Aid being offered within the media.

    With that said, I thought it was reasonably well written though heavily biased.



    This is a half truth that is being spouted off as fact. You need to also ask yourself the question "At what time does what I'm saying cross the line into sedition (undermining the office) rather than giving an opinion about the person?" Never forget that leaders, both good and bad, have been placed where they are for a reason.
    It was a position paper, the idea is supposed to be biased. We were told to try to write a paper that would try to convince someone from the other side to come to your side, basically.

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    Quote Originally Posted by vangogh View Post
    I won't tell this is the greatest piece I've ever read, but I do think you did well in writing it and you definitely have the talent to pursue writing/journalism as a career.
    Haha maybe. One of my web design clients referred another business (that is much larger) to me to manage their entire infrastructure (from billing, website, employee gateways, etc.) so I'm probably going to persue that full time. It makes sense, why scrap it when I already have some of the hard part done?

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    I'm not sure exactly what you want us to critique. The writing style or the subject matter. Anyway, here are my few comments.

    I think it failed to make your point. I assume you were advocating for people to use their employment positions to advocate for causes and employers should not be allowed to respond.

    You cited very selective events and laws to try to make your point, but made no compelling argument. But you did include highly personal conclusions such as "Zimmerman killed him because he was black". Your general argument is based on anecdotal evidence that can be easily countered with more definitive statistical evidence.

    You didn’t address the relatively easy counter arguments. You didn’t talk about an employer’s rights. You ignored discussing the consequences employers experience because of employee’s actions and their possible justification for responding. A fairer argument, in my opinion, is that everybody can express their opinion in any manner they want. However, employers and customers of the employer have the same right to respond in any manner they choose. Boycotts and employment termination are also “freedoms of expression”.

    We certainly don’t need more government regulations regarding employee/employer relations.

    In the case of the football guys kneeling, they have the right to kneel, or stand on their head if they want. However, it is annoying consumers of football resulting in lower viewership and diminished revenue for the league. Would you put up with employees annoying your customers?

    Personally, I am all for freedom of expression. BUT, don’t whine about the consequences when others disagree.

    As a side note, many of us are old enough to remember the civil rights marches and struggles for equal rights throughout the decades. We don’t need 20 year old football players lecturing us now. There are much more intelligent and experienced civil rights advocates to listen to.

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