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View Full Version : What kind of recourse do I have?



jamesray50
03-18-2012, 06:23 AM
My ex-fiance broke up with me. It was his decision. It was a spur of the moment decision and now he regrets it. But he has done it before, everytime he gets mad about something. The last time he broke up with me I told him he would get another chance. Now he is harassing me. It has been two weeks and I have received over 100 emails. I blocked his phone numbers on my home phone, but he knows how to make it look like he is calling from somewhere else, or he actually does call from somewhere else. For some reason, I can't block his calls on my cell phone so I had to turn the sound off. But, he was leaving voice messages, long ones, which was running the time down and using minutes. I had to change my phone number to stop them so I could use my cell phone again.

He did a Google image search to see if I had removed all images and found a few images. The ones I saw were on sites that I had already changed on those sites. I'm not sure why they show on Google image search. He said it was my problem, but I had better remove it. He thinks I am still seeing my ex-husband because I did his tax return this year. But, that is ridiculous. My ex-husband has a live in girlfriend.

Some of the emails I get are mean and nasty emails saying how bad I have hurt him, that I am a manipulator and liar. Other emails are how much he loves me and wants us to go to counseling to work out our problems. Yesterday I finally answered one of his phone calls and asked him to please leave me alone. He kept asking me to go to counseling so we could work out our problems. I said no, it was over. He said that meant it I never loved him.

Today I got an email that said he is going to set up a website about me, saying how mean I am and all the horrible things I have dome to him. I don't want people to type in my name looking for a bookkeeper and find his website. What can I do about this? Can I stop him before he does it?

I already talked to our internet company the other day about the emails and they said just set a rule to send the emails to trash. But, he has half a dozen different email addresses. He even sends me messages on my contact form on my website. I also called the police and it's just a misdemeanor and wouldn't amount to much.

Any suggestions would be appreciated.

huggytree
03-18-2012, 08:32 AM
sounds like you should have says 'bye, bye' long ago....

he sounds very immature....are you a Cougar? is he 16?????

dont go back this time is the best advice.....in time anything he does will go away.....you may want to get a concealed carry license since he seems to have a bit of crazyness to him...or a lot

find a new love and forget about him....let him move on

dont talk to him, dont go to counceling, dont see him, dont e-mail him....anything 'MORE" you do with him from this point will only make this breakup take longer...change your phone #....move if you have to.....and dont date 16 year olds anymore...date someone who is emotionally your age

jamesray50
03-18-2012, 09:02 AM
This is not a 16 year old. It's a 51 year old man. I have no intention of having anything ever to do with him again. I just don't want to see negative stuff about me on the internet. He has done that before when he was unhappy about stuff.

billbenson
03-18-2012, 03:26 PM
I wouldn't delete the emails. You can set up a filter to send emails to a particular folder. If he keeps sending from different emails, just add them to the filter. It just takes a second. That way, if you ever need proof he is harassing you, you have it.

Harold Mansfield
03-18-2012, 05:01 PM
It may be too late for some of this if he's savvy, but here are a few tips to stop an internet stalker:

Register your name. Always keep it. Always have "yourname.com" under your control. You may even want to register the '.net', and '.org'. If it's not available, get the next closet thing...your middle initial, or whatever someone could register (that is your sir name) and use against you.
Go on Angie's List, and any other web review type sites in your industry, and make sure that no one has registered your name, company name or anything having to do with you. If they have, get it back by filing a complaint with the site. If they haven't...Get your company name and keep it.
Check the popular free blog sites like Blogger and WordPress.com and make sure that no one has registered "yourname.wordpress.com" and if they haven't..get it and sit on it.
Check Google everyday to see if your name comes up from stuff you didn't do. Handle each instance with the company or web host where that instance is hosted.
Check Google images for the same, and if so, contact the offending website.
Check social media sites. You may not get much satisfaction because most don't want to deal with that kind of stuff, but, they all have a fraud, copy write infringement.."someone is stealing my stuff" departments. If you can't find the right department, email the biggest head honcho that you can who probably wants nothing to do with it. He'll pass it down to somebody. Eventually. That's actually the best thing that you can hope for. Passed down stuff where someone says " handle this" to a subordinate, gets more attention than contacting that subordinate directly.

The big picture here is, always control "yourname" at every opportunity that you find online.

NEVER, get into an online war with someone like this. Let them run with it and spend your time refuting thier attacks with tech. Sparring with them online, even if you are right, ruins your credibilty and professionalism. (Beleive me, I know. Not responding to an a**hole online, is the hardest thing that you will ever do).

If you see anything posted about you that has made it into the search results, post up. You can beat it. It's time consuming. But you can beat it.

huggytree
03-18-2012, 06:04 PM
This is not a 16 year old. It's a 51 year old man. I have no intention of having anything ever to do with him again. I just don't want to see negative stuff about me on the internet. He has done that before when he was unhappy about stuff.

he's done it before and you took him back???

i think its time to reflect on that one.....dont get into that situation again

nealrm
03-18-2012, 06:44 PM
Don't worry about the photos on Google images. That is Google using the images not you. You fulfilled your obligation when you removed the images from locations you control. If he decides to try and sue about the Google photos or his posts on the web interferes with your business in any manner, find a meanest lawyer you can buy. Point him at your ex and whisper frivolousness lawsuit, harassment, stalking, mental anguish, slander into his ear. (Warning: those words have been know to over excite some lawyers, so be careful :eek:)

Also, if you have any type of credit, banking or other accounts with this guy, make sure they are closed with letters from the company stating they are closed. Run a credit report, make sure all the accounts are yours. You may also want to put a credit lock on with the 3 credit bureaus***WARNING: THIS WILL NOT NECESSARY STOP AN ACCOUNT FROM BEING OPENED IN YOUR NAME. However, It will make it a lot easier afterwards when you need to resolve the issue.

Also, start a file. Keep any emails, threats or other comments in it.

Also, change your signature so that your name is a link pointing towards your website. That will help build up your sites ranking is cause he tries anything.

jamesray50
03-18-2012, 08:39 PM
@Huggytree - I didn't mean he had posted negative stuff about me on the internet and took I him back. I just meant he's the type that will call it quits and then thinks about it and apologizes and we get back together. I got tired of that and told him the last time he did that, there would be no more chances with me. This is why he is doing all this to me.

@eborg - what do you mean register my name? Do you mean like on GoDaddy and pay for the domain for my name? I'm not sure I understand what that will do.

I appreciate the advice from everyone. You have given me ideas that I wouldn't have thought of. I didn't mean to trouble you with my problems. This is costing me money that I don't really have to spend on this frivolous thing. I had to order new business cards (my picture is on my business cards), then I had to re-order them when I changed my cell phone number. I had to pay to change my cell phone number. For some reason my phone won't block his number or send them to voice mail, so I have had to leave the sound off. I leave my answering machine off for my home phone because he calls me from businesses, or he will change the number on his phone to another number. So I signed up for a reverse look up program in case I get a legitimate call, then I can call them back.

But, anyway, thanks again. Sorry to bother you with my personal problem.

Harold Mansfield
03-18-2012, 09:22 PM
@eborg - what do you mean register my name? Do you mean like on GoDaddy and pay for the domain for my name? I'm not sure I understand what that will do.


You don't? Why would you want someone else to have it? You are saying that you are worried about possible repercussions online from this guy... joellenpeters.com is probably something you don't want him to register, don't cha think? Or anyone else for that matter. That is the most obvious online property that can do you the most harm.
You should own your own name. Everyone should own their own name.

You can't get a domain back unless it is a trademark infringement. If anyone malicious ever registers yourname.com, you are screwed. It will always come up first in the search results (or close to the top) when people search for you by name, no matter what you do.

Taking them to court after the fact will cost you thousands in legal fees and take forever. You could spend $12 now and stop that from ever happening.

jamesray50
03-18-2012, 10:37 PM
Thanks eborg. I never thought about registering my name, but your explanation helps. I will certainly do as you suggest. Once I register my name, can I point it to my website, and do I have to sign up with a hosting company to do this?

Harold Mansfield
03-18-2012, 10:40 PM
Thanks eborg. I never thought about registering my name, but your explanation helps. I will certainly do as you suggest. Once I register my name, can I point it to my website, and do I have to sign up with a hosting company to do this?
Yes you can point it to your website and no you don't need any additional hosting to do so. You can do it from your control panel for the domain. It's a simple redirect.

Business Attorney
03-18-2012, 11:45 PM
One thing I have seen recommended, particularly if you don't have a common name like John Smith, is to try to get various pages ranked to occupy ALL the top rankings for your name. If your name is shared by a lot of other people, then the first several pages may already be occupied so that it would be tough for your ex to break through to the first or second page. If you have a relatively uncommon name and only have, say a LinkedIn and Facebook account, he might be able to reach the front page more easily. Make it hard for him by opening a MySpace account, a Twitter account and several other accounts in your own name. Then link them all together and try to get outside links as well. As anchor text, use your name. One easy way is to go to blogs that you frequent and post an appropriate comment with your real name and one of the websites you are targeting. Given how many bloggers get comments with "names" like "Cheap Car Insurance," your posts with your real name should be a refreshing change.

It may take a little work, but it will make it unlikely that anyone will ever read anything he posts if they can easily find you on the first page and would have to dig further to find his negative website.

Steve B
03-19-2012, 08:50 AM
All of the above and I might suggest a less technical response. Perhaps you should see if you can arrange for a friend of yours to pay him a personal visit and give him some compelling reasons that he might want to leave you alone....

KristineS
03-19-2012, 12:22 PM
Definitely make a file and keep all the harassing e-mails. Save the voice mails too. It may come down to having to sue this guy or having him arrested and you want to have all the evidence you can on your side. If you can prove he's been systematically harassing you, then you're in a better position to try and get him to stop.

huggytree
03-19-2012, 08:53 PM
All of the above and I might suggest a less technical response. Perhaps you should see if you can arrange for a friend of yours to pay him a personal visit and give him some compelling reasons that he might want to leave you alone....

also recommended....if he's going to act like a 16 year old then maybe a 16 year old type threat would work best

Business Attorney
03-19-2012, 10:46 PM
All of the above and I might suggest a less technical response. Perhaps you should see if you can arrange for a friend of yours to pay him a personal visit and give him some compelling reasons that he might want to leave you alone....

Tempting, of course, but not really a good idea.

MyITGuy
03-28-2012, 12:22 AM
From a business/phone perspective, I would recommend getting a Google Voice number and using their spam/blocking service. This way you don't miss any important business calls by screening e-mails or having to update/change your personal cell phone numbers at an additional cost.

From a website/domain perspective, registering your domain name as well as a few variants won't hurt...but I'm doubting that your ex would actually want to spend money on a domain and hosting account just to slander you. Most likely he would resort to a free blogging service, or Facebook/Myspace as suggested. If you do decide to order a domain name you can utilize your registrars (I.E. GoDaddy, Enom or etc) control panel to forward it to your existing site, otherwise you can utilize your hosting control panel and look for references to an "Add-on Domain" that allows you to create a separate website, or a "Parked Domain" which allows you to point multiple domains to the same website.

From a legal standpoint, definitely keep copies of everything. This will become extremely helpful in the event it is needed. Additionally, I'd recommend seeking a restraining order against your ex. This way if he violates this order you can take further legal action or have him arrested for violating this order.

I'm not sure what your living situation has been, but if this just occurred I would also suggest that you follow the process to have him "evicted" from your residence if he lived there for any period of time. Otherwise he can "break in" and do/take what he wants with no recourse.

Best of luck to you and putting this issue behind you!

jamesray50
03-28-2012, 02:41 AM
I appreciate everyone's response to my personal problem. I didn't mean to burdon anyone with my personal problems, I just didn't know what I could do legally on some of the issues. I did try to register my domain name, but it is already taken for the next several years. I thought my name was unique, guess not. I did block all his emails, but as I knew he would, he set up another email account. But, fortunately he has admitted he was wrong and aplogized and promised not to bother me. So far he has kept his promise. However, I did get an FaceBook friend request today from someone I didn't know and looked at his profile. He had less than 10 friends and no other info or anything on his wall. I denied his request for the friendship. My ex would somethimes make up a fake name and set up facebook profiles, so it wouldn't surprise me if this was him. But, I may just be paranoid.

Thank you again everyone. :o)